Men and women experience love in different and complementary ways. However, a woman will generally express love the way she experiences it, not the way her husband does. Most women primarily experience love through gestures of cherishment, while men experience love most powerfully through the medium of respect.
Here are five ways you can nail it in the love department for your man this Father’s day (or any day of the year).
1. Cut the criticism
Nothing makes a man feel more disrespected and unappreciated than being criticized and put down, especially when it’s in front of others. This applies also to the way we speak about our man when he’s not present.
2. Avoid Nagging
Not only is nagging almost never effective in bringing about the desired reform, most men will dig in and resist all the more forcefully when they feel nagged. If you need a behavior change, make a respectful and unemotional request.
3. Express Admiration
Identify the virtues and strengths of your man and tell him! It’s great for him to hear it, and it’s good for you to remind yourself as it’s all too easy to focus on what is lacking and overlook the many ways he gives without you even noticing because it is so constant.
4. Wait till asked
Whether it’s driving the car, finding your way without a map or assembling the furniture without the instructions… butt out! Let him drive, navigate and create without your constant suggestions. You may think you are being helpful, but if he wants your help, he’ll ask for it.
5. Give him the Benefit of the Doubt
It’s common practice when we feel wounded by our husband to make assumptions about his motives; every little gesture and word is interpreted as proof of his mean-spiritedness, selfishness, carelessness etc. So when he does or says something that upsets you, suspend judgment and make a choice to assume loving, generous motives rather than negative ones.
Take Home Activity: Identify one of these behaviours that you do most poorly on… commit to redressing it as your personal father’s day gift for your man. At the end of the day, he doesn’t need more socks or undies nearly as much as he hungers for your respect.
Authors: Francine & Byron Pirola
What do you think? Have you ever noticed the difference in the way your husband likes to be loved? Men are we hitting the mark here? Tell us in the comments below!
This article featured in the September 2013 edition of the CathFamily eMagazine. For more, check out:
- What Dads Do
- Father’s Day Treats
- Springtime things to do!